


The Day Spike Gave Up

by Issipelly



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: British Character, British Slang, Don't Kill Me, F/M, I might add a second chapter., I totally ship Spike and Angel, Lots of bloody, M/M, first story ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:46:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4721624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Issipelly/pseuds/Issipelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sooooooo...... First story posted. Ever. Lemme know what you think, guys!!! Pleeeeeeease? -Issi</p></blockquote>





	The Day Spike Gave Up

It hurts. A bright light shines from the crystal, burning all of the Hellmouth down. I can feel it, burning my skin, my muscles, my insides exploding and turning to liquid. Killing me. 

I’ve died before, so many years ago. I accepted that quite quickly. I suppose you could say I’m adaptive to my surroundings. 

I know I’m dying. I don’t have long. Neither does the Hellmouth, actually. It deserves to go. Do I, though? Maybe I don’t deserve it… But I’m ready. I want to see how this ends. I’m going to tell Buffy just that, I don’t deserve to go. I’ve atoned for my sins against humanity. 

Buffy doesn’t want to leave me here. Bless her little human heart, she actually cares. Not that I don’t care for her either. I love her. And she knows it, I have told her. I watch as she curls her hand in mine. She is small, compared to me. I urge her to leave, to go while she still can. She shouldn’t be hurt in this. 

The pain… It hurts in a way I can’t possibly attempt to describe, poet or no. Red, yellow, a flash of white. Light, dark, light- Make it end, oh, bloody please... It hurts so much, just make it end.

And then-

Black, dark. So much dark. Emptiness. I hear a noise. What was that? I can’t see, I can’t move. Nothing hurts anymore.. It’s like flying. Not that I’ve ever flown. But.. it’s like.. there’s no gravity, just an empty space, a plain between worlds. And the pain is back. Pain… so much. I’m paying for all those lives I took, all those lives I ruined years ago. 

“Spike?” A familiar voice makes me open my eyes, gasping. Someone else says my name, and then that wretched girl.. Melody? Harmony? She says the most wretched nickname she had for me. Blondie Bear. I’ll show her who... Angel. What’s he… the bastard. I’ll get him, I’ll make him pay. She nearly died, she nearly got hurt because of him. I’ll make him pay! I dive at him to attack him, my monster face on. 

I- What the hell? I just went straight through him, how-? Am I a- no, no, I can’t be a ghost. I don’t feel like a ghost. What do ghosts feel like? I can’t show I’m thrown though, I need to be strong. That’s what Darla always said. Hide your fears. Angel will see right through me, he always has, but the others won’t. My poker face is good, I know. I catch the last couple sentences of their discussion, as if I’m not there. 

“I’m not a ghost.” I tell them. And I’m not. I know I’m not. I can’t be, vampires can’t be ghosts. Can they? 

Will that blonde trollop shut her fat mouth and go elsewhere? It is starting to get vaguely irritating. I am attempting to figure out where the hell I am, and she’s not helping any! Harmony, her name is. She won’t shut her mouth, can’t she see that I’m trying to figure out where I am. Barely rolling my eyes, I ignore her, focusing on my arch nemesis and best friend. Angel.

I’m with Angel, and that… that other Brit, he’s been with Buffy, I’ve seen him. Buffy! I wanna see her, talk to her. I tell Angel that, if only just to get a reaction out of him. 

Angel’s jealous. He knows she chose me over him. I don’t turn evil every time I have the tiniest bit of happiness, like a certain vampire I know… It’s interesting, that Buffy is a pressure point. That will come in handy. This must be hell, with these… these imbeciles and Angel, and without Buffy, I can’t.. I don’t.. I don’t want to be here. Why couldn’t I just die? I was ready, I was ready to go, why couldn’t I… 

‘Alright, William. Calm down. Take in your surroundings. Where are you? Wolfram and Hart. That sounds familiar. It’s a law firm, isn’t it? Why am I at a law firm? And more specifically, why is Angel at a law firm?’ I say to myself, silently. I need to calm down, to take everything in. I’ll process later. 

They want to run tests on me. I see the glint in Angel’s eyes though. I’m worried. He only ever gets that look when he’s planning something. Like that time when he and Darla- Who is this bint? Why is she touching me? No, whatever your name is, go away, I don’t want anything to do with your… scanner? Why are you scanning me?

I do what I always do when I’m defensive. Hugging my coat close to me, I watch her carefully, scared. Fred, they say her name is. Fred. Interesting name for a girl. I’ve never quite understood why people insist on naming their children ridiculous things. Then again, my name is William. Spike is much more… unique, fitting, take your pick of words. Either way, they are true. 

I’m not paying attention to anything they’re saying, but I can feel myself answering. It’s something I’ve learned to do over the years, especially when I was with Angel, Darla and Dru. I can answer, as though I’ve been paying attention even though I’m really not. Now I can feel them targeting me. Especially that Brit. Wesley, did Angel call him? What had I said? Oh, I flirted with this Fred girl. Oops. I move away from them, hoping to put some room between me and this supposed Watcher, hugging my coat towards me. It seems to be a defense mechanism of sorts, this coat. Why, I wonder. 

“Can’t a man die in peace without some high almighty deciding it’s not his time?” I ask, hiding a wince as my voice cracks. I see the slightest hint of a smirk on Angel’s face before he takes in my words. I can see it’s troubling him, and I know why. Though he always faked it, I always knew he cared for Darla, and Dru and I. We were his family, his followers. He made us, and in turn, we looked to him for guidance and advice. And now I just want to die. It was my time, it is my time.   
Something feels weird, different. Why is that Fred girl staring at me? I look down. I’m disappearing. “Oh, balls-”

 

Dark. Utter oblivion cold heat too much heat make it end please make it stop darkness can’t breathe surrounding me suffocating me. A chasm opens beneath my feet, pulling me towards it, down, deep. Heat too much heat fire darkness death make it end oh please make it stop.

 

I turned. I know I’m confused. I can see myself in my reflection. I’ve no idea why we show up in the mirror, but then again. It’s Wolfram and Hart. I look. Wide, scared eyes. Pale bleached hair brushed away from my face, showing off the clear fear in my eyes, the frown in my lips. The reflection also shows Angel’s mixed look of concern and irritation. Well, sorry, my dear fellow mosquito, it seems I’m stuck here.

“It’s your fault!” I put blame on him, watching his expressions change from concern to confusion to sheer annoyance. Just as I expect, he argues back, officially starting this fight. He never learns, and aggravating him is too much fun to stop. Even after a hundred and nineteen years, it never gets old. 

Oh, lookie here. Little Angel didn’t tell his Scooby Gang that I got me a soul. He isn’t so special now, is he? Not the only vampire without a soul. This’ll be fun to watch… Hey! That was my entertainment he just messed with. Screw you, Angel. I should probably get going somewhere though. Hey, if I fell through the desk and Angel, think I could walk through walls? Let’s go find out!! I walk out of the office through one of the walls. It’s an… interesting feeling, I suppose. Sort of like walking through a waterfall, except if the water was warm and sort of… weird. I dunno how to describe it. 

I walk back out to the lobby, just to annoy Angel. It sounds like fun. That demon fellow, Lorne, the one who is green with ridiculous horns and a high voice, the bloke who runs their entertainment division, he’s talking to Angel. I should go bug them. Oh, bugger. A grox’lar. Get him, Angel!! Oh, wait, should I be rooting for Angel or the demon? I dunno. But… what would Buffy want me to do? Fight it, obviously. Right? So I go to punch it. But nooooooo, my hand goes through the bloody thing! What the actual bloody hell?! “Oh, brilliant.” I mutter, trying to pretend I’m not as pissed as I actually am. 

Angel knocks it out, easily. I could have done that too IF I WASN’T A BLOODY GHOST!!!! The rest of the team starts to head back into Angel’s office. I make to follow, when that bitch Harmony starts speaking to me. Oh, great, what does she want? To get back together?

I know I’m good-looking, I’ve used that to my advantage over the years. And I do use people, you know, like Harmony. I’m really not interested, darling.   
I believe what humans call it nowadays is demisexual. I suppose that’s the easiest way to categorize me. Angel knows, of course. He’s fully aware of everything about me. He was who I went to for help when I didn’t know why I wasn’t attracted to women anymore. He helped me research. I care for Angel, though I’d never admit it. Never. Never ever. Never ever ever. 

Moving towards the door to Angel’s office, I walk through the wall next to it after he slams the door in my face. I watch as one of his lawyers, Novac, runs into the room and tries to stop them from closing the grave-robbing business. Now, being undead twice over now, I have had unfortunate problems with grave robbers. I’ve had my grave robbed twice now. Each time, the nasty humans have died by an ‘unfortunate animal attack.’

Which means I killed them. Obviously. 

 

I try to leave Wolfram and Hart as I told Angel I would. I can’t stay in L.A. Have to find Buffy, have to apologize, tell her I love her, tell her the truth. I- Bloody hell. I’m back in Wolfram and Hart. I desperately try to leave L.A. again, only to find myself transported back to Wolfram and Hart. I’m bloody trapped! I should stop trying to leave. It’s clear I can’t. I’ll stop him and tease Angel. Because if I’m destined to be stuck here forever, I am going to torture him. Haunt his arse to Hell n’back. It’s obvious he doesn‘t like when I interfere with his work. I’m not quite sure why, possibly because he gets paid to do this, possibly because it’s me doing the haunting in the first place. Angel left the office, leaving me alone here. I should find something to do to annoy him. What did he always hate?

My eyes drift around the room. His books? No, not his books. He doesn’t read, those are probably the Watcher’s. His desk? He does have a ton of papers there, but no. Not his desk. Aha! I know! His chair. Angel hates it when people sit in his chair. It’s probably a detestation that can be traced back to his lovely Irish origins. So of course, what am I to do but sit in his chair?  
I float through the desk and concentrate on becoming corporeal enough to sit in the chair. To my amazement, it worked. So all I needed to do was concentrate to get these things to happen. Hm. I concentrate and reach to touch one of Angel’s things when I hear his voice. I fall back onto his chair, smirking when he walks in and stops short, obviously annoyed with me. He deserves the irritation, the jerk, broke Buffy’s heart. I’ll haunt his arse until the end of time, and then some. When ignores me, of course, and heads towards a hidden elevator. Oo, cool. Where’s he going? To confront that necromancer fellow Hainsley? I’ll follow him. I drop through the floor with some concentration, and survey the cars thoughtfully. The Viper, he’ll choose that one.   
It’s sleek and dark, with tinted windows. I slip through the door into the passenger seat, concentrating to stay seated in the car. Angel opened the door, and I immediately started to speak to him, telling how he’s predictable.  
If he thinks slamming the door in my face will get rid of me, he’s a moron. I move quickly to the next car over, also a rather nice car.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo...... First story posted. Ever. Lemme know what you think, guys!!! Pleeeeeeease? -Issi


End file.
